no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
