remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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