Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
