I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
