if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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