fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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