Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
