hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
