I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
