I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
