i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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