How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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