I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
