My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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