Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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