Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
