Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
