so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
