Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
