I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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