I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
