It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
