i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to make a zoo with you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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