I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
