White coat. Heels.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
