the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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