Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
