i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
