so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
