3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
