Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
