we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
