so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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