"it" just moved
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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