I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
