worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
