last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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