Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
