i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
