i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
