she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
