News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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