I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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