He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
