he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
