After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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