Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
