he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
