He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
