i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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